Introduction: The Not-So-“Pro” Apple Vision Pro
So, you’ve splurged $3,500 on the Apple Vision Pro headset, thinking it would work like a charm just because it’s called “Pro.” Well, guess what? The “Pro” in the name doesn’t stand for properly! Sam Tucker from Apple is here to shed some light on the not-so-“Pro” issues that users have been facing with this supposedly revolutionary device.
The Hilarious Hiccups of the Apple Vision Pro
1. Losing Your Headset and Losing Hope
While the Apple Vision Pro can track your eyes, your hands, and even your friend’s hands (which is getting a bit too familiar), it refuses to let you track the headset itself. So, if you happen to misplace it, good luck finding it with the help of the Find My app like you can with the cheaper Apple Tic Tac. Nope, you’ll just have to kiss your money goodbye and buy a brand new one. Talk about a pricey mistake!
2. Data Transfer Woes and the Costly MacBook Solution
Okay, so you’ve decided to transfer some videos or large files to your Apple Vision Pro. But hold on a second! Where’s the data connector? Oh, right, it doesn’t have one. If you want to transfer files, you either have to do it wirelessly through Airdrop on another expensive Apple product or simply give up on the idea altogether. But don’t worry, while you’re there, Apple suggests you might as well splurge on an expensive MacBook. Because, why not?
3. No Netflix, No Offline Apple Music, and No Train Entertainment
Imagine this: you’re on a plane, ready to binge-watch some Netflix movies on your Apple Vision Pro. Well, tough luck! There’s no app for that. You’ll have to wait until you land in Dorf—yes, Dorf—to finally watch your favorite shows. And even then, you won’t be able to enjoy any offline entertainment with Apple Music either. Oh, and forget about having any fun on a train. The headset just can’t track you properly, even though you’re literally on a track. So much for an immersive experience!
4. Not-So-Perfect Pass Through and Low-Resolution Friends
Real-life pass through? More like real-life “pass up.” Users have reported some motion blur and low-resolution experiences when trying to interact with their friends. Apparently, they even look like they’re stuck in 720p! But hey, if you’re tired of low-resolution companions, maybe you should spend more time with MKB HD. That guy is always in high definition!
5. Bright Lights and Dark Everything Else
Have you noticed how everything else gets dark when you look at a bright window using the Apple Vision Pro? Well, you’re not alone in that observation. It seems like a problem with the headset itself. Just try looking at a bright object using your naked eyes. Voila! You can see perfectly fine. So, what’s up with the headset, Apple?
6. Drinking and Driving with Apple Vision Pro? Not a Good Idea
Warning: Apple Vision Pro is not the best companion for those who enjoy a drink or two while driving. Users have complained that wearing the headset while behind the wheel tends to lead to unwanted encounters with the law. Yes, you might get arrested. So, sorry about that, folks. Maybe next time, keep your eyes on the road and not on your virtual world.
7. Black Screens, High Contrast, and the Inevitable
Some users have faced black screen issues with the Apple Vision Pro. Now, this might be because they turned on high contrast or, well, because they’re dead. Unfortunately, Apple can’t fix the latter. If you’re experiencing black screen problems, you might want to check the contrast settings or, you know, make sure you’re still alive.
8. Deformed Emojis and Secret Listeners
Virtual personas can be a bit freaky. People have been getting a little too creeped out by their 3D emojis. But fear not, because if you wear the Apple Vision Pro headset long enough, it’ll start to deform your face, and you’ll look just like that emoji. However, no one will notice because while you’re talking, your friend with the vision headset might be listening to you or jamming to their iTunes. Talk about a sneaky listening party!
9. The Blinding Price of the Apple Vision Pro
Oh, and did we mention that using the Apple Vision Pro might make you go blind? Yes, you read that right. Some users have experienced temporary blindness after using the headset. Sam Tucker himself admits that his eyes go wonky for about 15 minutes after taking off the Vision Pro. But hey, who needs normal vision when you can spend $3,500 and enjoy the world in SD—satisfactory definition, that is!
Conclusion: The “Problems” with the Apple Vision Pro
So, there you have it—the comical mishaps of the all-new Apple Vision Pro. If you ever find yourself face-to-face with the spinning beach ball of death, well, you’re either having a stroke or it’s time to return the headset. The choice is yours, but think fast! And don’t forget to subscribe to Sam Tucker’s channel for more hilarious tech videos.